not sure what to do w/ this relationship, knowing the difference between being in love and NOT? Options

[Joei]

hi everyone, its been ahiwle since ive been on here, so hope all are doing great!

ok, well after my divorce (due to ex's cheating / betrayal etc etc), i eventually began to date again. Having decided that NO man is monogamous, i figured 'open relationships' were the way to go for me.

So i eventually began dating a truly amazing guy, and all along have kept it an "open relationship", however, neither of us have done much w/ that option, but its there. Problem is this, he is ....by all means ...purrrefct for me, except...i cant stay over night or go away with him, or se hi more than 1 - 2x's a week....i have about a 3 hour threshold. seriously. but he is my best friend for over 20 months now... we have everything in common, he treats me beautifullly and vice versa. ok, so say to myself..."well, you must not be "in love", all the friendship tools are there but not that super hot passion!!!!!!!

he loves me enough to marry or have a real realstionshoip. im only willing to see him once a week at best. he wants to be a priority in my life and be monogamous, i wanna see him when it suits me.

we talk openly about all this, i have prolly built some walls after the divorce, ok, so.... im trying to decide.... do i let him go? i think yes, he deserves to have someone who can make him a priority, yes? i think so. but i see this 'therapist' (ugh) twice now and she suggests total detahcment w/ no cap on the time limit. YIKES..me and Greg (the guy) talk / text all day. so... cut him off? completely? OMG!! he says he can handle if he can only have me as a friend right now.... he'll....."wait"..is that fair?

so do i say....one quick goodbye, or continue to slowly settle into a friend relationship with him. openly and honestly of course. i just have issue with someone telling me i need to cut this person out of my life until i decide what i want, but i dont want to be selfish ether and i cant see this situation clearly...if you say its only fair and he can only find his way thru complete detachment, i will work on that. the 'therapist' says the time of detachment will be good for both of us...to really think without any distraction of one another. I;m SO confused.

thanks for all and any advice and love.
xoxoxo
love,
joei

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[Worm]

Hello Joei!

A couple of observations. First please understand that they are only observations and I am certainly not wanting to tell you what to do. First off I think the therapist has crossed boundries by telling you what to do. Second it would seem as if this turmoil you are in right now could be causing you to give up energy. This energy loss will result in a less flexible movement/shift of your perception...

I would be inclined on working on increasing your energy and not losing energy. With higher levels of energy we are more flexible in our ability to shift perception and the assembledge point on an energetic level. Without power and resultant flexibility one is less connected with the spirit and ultimately that is what should guide.

I would be working on increasing energy and that will bring about improved stalking and dreaming. By focusing on these things your life journey shall fall into place.

As far as resentments that could possibly be transfered from your ex husband to this man. If they do exist (and only you know if they are) they are a MAJOR energy drain and involve losing our self importance. This issue can again be addressed through stalking(and dreaming) but both require building our power/energy bringing us full circle back to the beginning.

I see you have what it takes to balance the storm...

Have a great day!

W

[Joei]

Hello Joei!

A couple of observations. First please understand that they are only observations and I am certainly not wanting to tell you what to do. First off I think the therapist has crossed boundries by telling you what to do. Second it would seem as if this turmoil you are in right now could be causing you to give up energy. This energy loss will result in a less flexible movement/shift of your perception...

I would be inclined on working on increasing your energy and not losing energy. With higher levels of energy we are more flexible in our ability to shift perception and the assembledge point on an energetic level. Without power and resultant flexibility one is less connected with the spirit and ultimately that is what should guide.

I would be working on increasing energy and that will bring about improved stalking and dreaming. By focusing on these things your life journey shall fall into place.

As far as resentments that could possibly be transfered from your ex husband to this man. If they do exist (and only you know if they are) they are a MAJOR energy drain and involve losing our self importance. This issue can again be addressed through stalking(and dreaming) but both require building our power/energy bringing us full circle back to the beginning.

I see you have what it takes to balance the storm...

Have a great day!

W

Hi W,
thank you so much. that does actually feel more right in my gut. and yes it is a serious energy drain, so much so that at times i feel like im lapsing into old, old beahvior of 'depression'. a place i dont want to go.
yes it seems even more drianing to force myself into not speaking to someone so dear to me, yet so many ppl suggest complete abstinence is the only way ill be able to tell if i miss him, in love w/ him, etc etccc...

so ok, creating more energy, this i must figure out how to do. b/c i am always tyring to get back to my light and happy place and although im very active, work, gym, social life, I am in this 'constant' state of anxiety, my stomach is always in knots.

i need a shift, so part of me thought that maybe this therapist and others were right, this drastic detachment... would in fact be a shift. but it just didnt feel right....so, im still confused, but totally get what you are saying. and am going to think on how i may focus more on rasiing my energies. BUT, i wonder.... if this turmoil is what is sapping my energy, then not necesarily leaving him / the situation...dont i continue to stay in turmoil and low energy?
hhmmmmm

xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoox

[Worm]

Well consider forgeting about the "situation" and working on your energy. This will give more flexibility to your movement/shift of your point of assembly. Your point of assembly directly effects your destiny. Movement of your point of assembly requires power. Power is something that is accumulated. Losing self importance is critical to preventing energy /power loss. Stalking with impeccible intent can assist in losing our self importance and accumulate power reserves..

Can you think of a stalking maneuver which might increase your power/energy at this time?

[Joei]

well, i think i am not familiar emough with the "stalking" term. (its been awhile)...so i will read up on this. but....if i forget about this situation, which is sort of what ive been doing for months...doing nothing about it, spending time with him, when im up to it, and just "letting it ride"....am i being selfish to him, while he holds on to hope? and while i go about learning and finding myself? do i keep us the way we are, b/c for the past year ive known, (or think i know), i dont wanna spend my life with this person, but love being in his life. (is it my past baggage or just not true love, this we dont know!)...so....
i can go in search of energy and stalking, but what to do with him in the meantime, what is right thing to do?

but no i cant think of a particular maneuver i can try at this time, other to stop feeling so overwhelemed with my situation, not just 'him', but several things have me off my game, have me bogged down. but they are on different n before, howvere im ooking at them thru gllom in etad of optimism. nothings changed except my attitude. and i havent been able to shift it back to positive. been reading, praying, working out.... cant get back. : (


"""Losing self importance is critical to preventing energy /power loss. Stalking with impeccible intent can assist in losing our self importance and accumulate power reserves.. """ wow!!
XOXOXXOXO
JOEI

Well consider forgeting about the "situation" and working on your energy. This will give more flexibility to your movement/shift of your point of assembly. Your point of assembly directly effects your destiny. Movement of your point of assembly requires power. Power is something that is accumulated. Losing self importance is critical to preventing energy /power loss. Stalking with impeccible intent can assist in losing our self importance and accumulate power reserves..

Can you think of a stalking maneuver which might increase your power/energy at this time?