Have a question about Toltec Wisdom?
Ask Sheri!

Hello Sheri,

Thank you for making this blog a resource for people, as I have been challenged by something I'd like to get your opinion about. You made the following statement on the Amazon.com webpage for your Toltec Wisdom book:

"Are you living in an area that is not supportive of your peace and centeredness, but you're staying because you are too lazy to move or not sure where you would rather go?"

Well my situation is that I'd really like to move out of my area, and be somewhere wooded and green and that has lots of trees. However, my 13-year old daughter is very involved here in her church and several social circles and does not want to move, nor does my 7-yr old daughter. I am a single mother and rely on a lot of support with my kids from my parents, who live less than a mile from me here in Phoenix. So my question was, do you think it's insane for me to continue living here for the sake of my daughters and my parents, rather than move away to a different geographical location, simply because it's "the right" thing to do? At a core level I feel like I would be so selfish to take my kids away from their comfort zone, just because I love the trees. Would you mind sharing your thoughts with me?

In gratitude and love


Dear Frustrated,

Thank you for the note. Every action we take in life has consequences. If we have the insight to see what those outcomes might be we can decide if we want those outcomes.
Have you decided where you would like to live? Have you gone there with the children? Have you engaged them in the process? Truthfully no child wants to move. So asking them would be a useless endeavor. However - it does not sound like you have done any work to see where you want to be or even to investigate if it would be possible.
Most people use their dreams to punish themselves because they just keep thinking about them rather than taking action on them. Start taking action and see what happens along the way. You will receive clues as to whether or not this is best for you. If everything moves effortlessly and you find a great place with a fabulous church (that you take the kids to during a visit so that they can make some friends) and they find it fun and you find a supportive situation (like perhaps people to watch the kids) and a job - then you will see that things are unfolding for you.
Your limiting thoughts are the biggest problem you have right now. Anything is possible, you must take action so that you can see if what you are thinking is actually what your heart wants - that is important. Many times the mind makes all kinds of proposals because the grass always seems better on the other side, but then once you start researching you may find that there are things about those places that you do not enjoy. But you would never have known that if you did not proceed. I encourage you to take action so that you can get answers rather than sitting around thinking and thinking.
If you do that you will never be happy because you will always be wondering what if?

Blessings, Sheri

Hello Sheri,

I had a Toltec teacher for a while. He used to say that it didn't matter what a person wanted only what a person needed. My understanding is that when a person wants it's because of an ego attachment and what a person needs the must have in order to grow. Is this part of the Toltec philosophy or was this his?
The reason I'm asking is that I'm in a program for another coaching certification. They have a distinction of need vs. want. They say that its ok to want that this is what keeps us motivated and when we have a need there is an attachment and it prevents us from having whatever we think we need.
I would appreciate your feedback on this. Thank you!

Dear Friend,

In general coaching addresses the ego-mind on the level of the ego mind. So they would have a different point of view of course. For us, we do not need to be motivated by our minds because we have worked to transcend our mind and all the fear-based beliefs it contains. True motivation comes from life moving through us. You could say the "will of god" is for all entities to create - and so my motivation comes from that. It does not matter what I do as long as I am creating. To me, trying to motivate people when they are filled with self-sabotaging beliefs and self-hate is not productive in the end. Yes, you can make many improvements in people's lives, but there is another level of conscious creation above that.
Want is from the ego. Need is food, shelter, water and rest. Without those things you will die. Everything else is ego.

Love, Sheri

www.sherirosenthal.com

Dear Sheri,

Thank you for your weekly audios! It is such fun when something hits you up along side of your head and allows you to see more clearly! For whatever reason, guess I was just ripe and your words resonated, your audio regarding judging and projecting helped me to see what I have been doing at a deeper and clearer level. I knew that I was still creating much of my reality from fears even though I have been working to incorporate the wise Toltec teachings into my life for several years now. When I listened to your audio, it was just so clear for the very first time that I am judging my husband and taking the most minor things ever so personally. In my mind I have denied that I judged him! I knew that I was taking things personally, but I never had been able to see it so clearly as originating from that moment of judgment!!

It seems that now that I can see how I am judging him, that perhaps I am ready to see how I am also judging myself. Can you give me some pointers as to how to detect when one judges oneself? I have been able to stop many of my emotional charges now that I see what I am doing at that moment of making a judgment and it has given me many lighter days!! I am setting my intent every day not to judge my husband! When I do have an emotional charge and put the reaction out there, it will bring on a sleepless few hours in the middle of the night. That, I suppose, is a self judgment...not being able to accept my own mistakes as I see it very clearly after projecting, but then it is of course too late to take it back.

I truly feel ready to stop adding any suffering to this planet, this marriage, but perhaps one needs to stop judging oneself before being able to truly stop judging others. Any clarity is very much appreciated.

Love and light!

Dear Friend,

What a fantastic realization! This is the easiest way to spot judgment: pay particular attention to your feelings. As soon as you lose your center and have an emotional reaction - you are judging. My favorite is to complete this sentence (taken from my books).

I feel ____what emotion?_______because I believe_________what?____.

And example would be: I feel humiliated because I believe that my girlfriend told all my girlfriends that I looked terrible in the new dress I wore to Cindy's party. In this case we can see that the fear-based emotional reaction of humiliation was caused by the linking of ones self-worth to what others think about us. You can see the self-judgment based on how others judge us.

Once you get the hang of this it will happen automatically in your mind and you will start to see right away what your issue is. Remember - there is nothing out there to upset us - we upset ourselves with what we tell ourselves about what's happening out there.

Love, Sheri

www.sherirosenthal.com/weekly_audio/audio.html

The inventory is an important part of Stalking. It's like a complete download of all our beliefs and agreements. Once we know what's in our minds, we can choose what's working for us and what's not. Then we can re-program ourselves to behave calmly, with kindness, compassion, and love. We will not be driven to create life in ways that sabotage ourselves, or that set ourselves up to fail or to be hurt by others. This is because we will no longer be possessed by all those agreements we made when we were young, which have caused us to see the world in such a distorted way. Since we are only in control of what we do or think, it would be more accurate to say that this is mastery of our own mind, rather than the mind being the master of us! (Now that's a switch worth looking forward to.) When a Warrior has taken a complete inventory of her mind, she is in a position of to seeing the non-truth of her human concepts. Then she can make the choice to either continue to be attached to what she believes, investing her personal power in maintaining that illusionary structure, or she can detach from it totally and be free. In life we are always adding information to our inventory. The mind is a very fragile entity, and in order to keep itself safe and intact it carefully chooses which things to add to the inventory and which things to ditch. If someone says something to us that does not match what we believe, we discard it. If the information fits into our inventory, we agree with it and download it into our program. We have all had the experience of someone trying to put something into our inventory that we don't agree with. This immediately upsets us and we start defending our point of view and rejecting the other person'stheirs. Their information is shaking the foundation of our inventory, and that is very frightening to the mind. To be free, a Warrior slowly and gently adds truth and love-based information to his inventory (which can be quite contrary to what is currently in his program). This acts as a "good" virus, transforming his programming and breaking his fixation on his own mind without upsetting the mind too much. The key is to break the inventory without hurting our mind or losing our marbles.

Hi Sheri,

About a year ago I chose to step back from a relationship with my sister. I found that over the years I was less and less able to deal with my reactions to her. I was taking things more and more personally and was allowing the circumstances to cause me to dislike being around her. The more I reacted to her judgments not only of me but of seemingly everything, the more miserable I became. The proverbial straw came just before my last birthday and I literally "ran away". I took myself to Mexico for my birthday and my greatest companion ended up being the "Four Agreements".

Anyway, my question for you is "what now?" I have made attempts to be in contact and have even sat down to a family dinner with her there but she has indicated she is not interested in having any part of me. Her daughter invited me to her wedding but my sister requested I not come is an example. I hear from family that she continues to speak very ill of me and sometimes I still hurt over it. Most of the time I am able to realize that it is her poison that is directed at me and not take it personally. I can only return love and compassion and wishing her the gift of awareness so she can wake up from her nightmare. Of course this is done in my quiet time and not in person. Is this all I can do unless she wakes from her dream?

I journeyed to Teotihuacan earlier this year and at the Place of the Women I acknowledged my sisterhood with her and sent forth love. I do miss her somewhat but is this a situation that must be what it is and maybe improve over time? If she dies suddenly what will I feel then? Obviously this is bothering me but I viewed the relationship as being an abusive one for many many years and learned to love myself enough to remove myself from it. As family, should we view this situation differently?

A Sister in Distress!

Dear Sister,

This is a big question for one email angel!
To be very brief, it is imperative that you forgive her completely and change you story about your past totally. As long as you hold any resentment or judgment about her behavior it is not likely to change. I am going to guess that to what I just wrote that you would say you have forgiven her. But that is not my observation based on what you have written and the words that you have used. You still feel guilt about your part in the situation or else you would not think you would feel bad if something happened to her before resolution occurred between you both.
I suggest you go to the wedding and have fun - give her a big hug if you can and just behave lovingly. Perhaps you can look at why she is mad and apologize for your half of the situation (there is never one side) and write a beautiful letter to her. But I warn you - as long as you hold that she abused you and that she was mean, etc - don't bother. Because that means you have not forgiven her yet as you are still in judgment of her and have not taken responsibility for allowing that situation to occur and for your part in that drama. After all, no one can abuse you unless you feel you deserve it and if you help co-create it.
I know this might be a bit tough to swallow - but it is a start. Love, Sheri

Dear Sheri,

The wedding happened months ago, I RSVP'd to my niece that I would attend but was emailed by my sister asking me not to come. I sort of honored her wishes, I was not at the wedding but on the beach where it occurred watching from afar and sending my love. No one knows.

Around Christmas time I sent her a card and I emailed her about my involvement with Toltec Wisdom and what I was doing in the way of self exploration. I went on to explain that the reason I pulled back from our relationship was because I was becoming aware how reactive I was becoming and needed to explore it. Yes, I did feel I was being abused and I did help create it by taking it personally and judging her. I hope I have forgiven her completely but I work on it knowing it is necessary. Thank you for reminding me what an important ingredient this is.

I do feel guilt in my part because I feel I should have been able to deal with the whole situation differently. I was always a sounding board for my sister and lent a sympathetic ear in all the drama in her life. It is huge. I know she depended on me to be there but I was exhausted with it all. So, I not only judged her I was judging myself more and more until it ended up with me ending the interaction. So, now I have me to forgive as well. I have a great amount of love for me so will try to continue to love me unconditionally. And her.

Anyway I took your advice and wrote her a letter:
Hi my sister,

I hope this email finds you well. I have been working on changing the story of my past so I can enjoy living in today. It is very hard work and I can only say I am doing my best at any given moment. My best is what is here right now at this moment. I still feel guilt at my part in this situation and am working on forgiving myself and forgiving you as well. I apologize for my half of our situation (there is never just one side) and hope you will accept that apology.

I am learning to love myself unconditionally and not to judge or criticize myself as I am in the process of being more aware of why I react as I do. I try to do my best and forgive myself for thinking I could always do better. I am working toward that unconditional love for everyone in my life as well as humans in general. When anyone throws what I perceive to be a barb at me I will do my best to not take it personally and love them unconditionally. This is my goal. I love you sister and hope that someday we can enjoy each others company.

Dear Sister,

That is a lovely letter and hopefully she will feel your energy and intent in it - but if not - the key is to detach and know that you did your best in this moment to heal things.
Love, Sheri

www.withforgiveness.com

Hi Sheri,

I would really appreciate any guidance you could offer for a more pressing situation. I have 10 more days of waiting for biopsy results of a sore on the back of my hand. The dermatologist said that it is either basal or early squamous cell. I know that many people deal gracefully with much worse news and I have the capacity to handle this better. I'm consciously thinking positively, using the Law of Attraction, and any thing else that crosses my mind. Despite my attempts to use all the techniques that I have learned over the years, my subconscious is not cooperating. I can't sleep at night and I'm having trouble getting day to day things done. I am trying to take care of business and anticipate and prepare for whatever might happen. Like, in the worst case, I may not be able to write with my right hand for awhile, so I should complete my sabbatical report and other writings immediately. But I can't focus for long. I feel very responsible for this situation. I hit the back of my hand on something about ten years ago and I watched this sore get better and then worse when exposed to sun. This summer the sore got worse and didn't rebound as well. Not taking care of this was a very unloving and foolish way to behave towards myself. I am a nurse and I know better. I feel like an idiot. Yes, I know that calling myself names is just more self abuse. Beyond the guilt, I guess I am anxious and worried, I want to be calm and self loving, but I am not doing such a good job.

I would really appreciate any Toltec or other wisdom you could offer.

Dear Friend,

Why use your memory to abuse yourself? That is more unloving then the sad story you created about what happened to your wound. Anyway it is finished and the past is over. either you live then or live now. You normally allow your mind to run the show - now it is time to stop that. So what if it is skin cancer? You will have it operated on and then it will be fine. Be grateful you found out so that you could treat it. Once you have one "bad" thought - why have that same thought again and again so that you cannot sleep? You heard the thought - so do you need to hear it again? You already know it. It is like being around someone who is repeating themselves over and over again. If someone was doing that you would refuse to listen. But with your own thoughts you listen again and again. Are you that interesting?
I know my mind is not that interesting when it does that!

Love, Sheri