Dear Sheri,
I just finished reading the Idiot's Guide to Toltec Wisdom, and found your information very helpful. I've been struggling with many old issues from childhood, and things from my marriage. I believe I'm beginning to understand the concept of living within a dream, and how we can mirror and reflect that dream out into the world, as well as the ways in which it's mirrored back to us. However, what I'm having trouble with emotionally is how to feel safe. I've been reading a great deal of material, and doing lots of inner work to forgive people and events that I've experienced a great deal of pain with in my life, but even though I tell myself I forgive these people and situations and I understand that they are operating from their own dream and reality, I still don't know how to trust and feel safe with others. I can rationally accept that I drew those instances into my life, but even knowing this doesn't help my emotional self feel safe and to trust again.
I suppose on some level, I still expect these issues to come up, and I know that I project this expectation out into the world, but how do I stop this? How do I begin to trust myself and to feel safe regardless of what the "out there" delivers to my doorstep? Some of the issues I've experienced occurred very early in my life, leaving me with deep insecurity and emotional scars. I believe one obstacle that's been created from this is that I never learned to trust myself. I've always looked to the outside to provide my safety and security even though it was rare that I found it. My thoughts and feelings were often criticized and found lacking. It was safer to ignore them, and seek external validation and approval through serving others at my own expense. I'm tired of this ruling my life, and would like to know how to move beyond it, but there are times when I feel like I'm dealing with two people inside. As I've said, I've been doing a great deal of inner work for years, and it feels like one side of me is rational and understands, while the other is locked into a cycle of deep emotional crises. It's very frustrating. Do you have any techniques for getting beyond this? Is there hope?
Sincerely, Frustrated
Dear Frustrated,
The main problem is what you believe about trust. As I see it - you trust that people are going to do and say what you want them to do and say so that you can feel safe according to what you believe. That is not going to ever work as it is a lie. Here is what is truth: People do what they are going to do and it isn't always what you what, wish or hope for.
It never surprises me when people do and say all kinds of things that are both kind and hurtful in their intent. Because of that I am always happy since I have no expectations regarding people and I am never victimized by their actions since I do not take them personally. If you expect that people are going to be kind to you then you will be constantly disappointed.
Funny thing - once you let go of all those lies - at least for me - I find that people are actually nicer in general. I think this is because we do not walk through life carrying the energy of expectation towards people and they feel free to be themselves around us. As a result they are happier and do their best to be kind.
Blessings, Sheri
