Dear Sheri,
I was in a relationship for 7 months with a girl. In our relationship, she was always the victim girl, who needed trust. And she trusted me and was always asking me questions about her problems. How to solve them etc.
I was like a counselor, but was tired about all those negativity and was too late to have my boundaries. And when I had my boundaries, I did it in a harsh and angry way. Now she does not speak with me at all. I think she lost all her respect to me.
When she lost respect, my inner child began crying because her attention was withdrawn from me. I tried the practices you have given me, and it helped a great deal. It took me 2 months, crying, being sad, asking my child, asking my villain, talking with them. I learned that if somebody withdrew attention, its not the end of the world. I would take care of my inner child in that situation, and I said to my inner child many times "I am here sweet child and will always be here."
Slowly slowly now I feel really very strong. I took back my power. Now my romance feeling for this girl is over. I do simply feel nothing for this girl, but only compassion. I see things very clear now. I am seeing the sadness in her, how she was so lonely, and how she wanted to trust me. She was lacking self respect and trust, and she was seeking outer trust.
One thing i want to ask is, what can I do about this girl? I respect this girl a lot because she needed help. She was honest. Now she is probably seeking other HERO guys to forget about her pain.
She probably thinks I just used her sexually, her mind could be finding excuses why I behaved like that. I was not a hero. And she saw my human side and now she is seeking other heroes. Should I speak with her "Princess" part and hammer her down with a strong email message about how she must end up seeking happiness in other guys.
Or should I just write a long email explaining what happened, who did what and why. But that is going to come across as needy and she will think that i want her back.
What can i do? A confused Hero.
Dear Hero,
It is wonderful that you have used this experience to grow and learn so that your future relationships will be even lovelier and more authentic. If you do anything - it might be to send her a simple note letting her know that you have gratitude for your relationship with her and that you are sorry if you hurt her in any way and that you have used the experience to make positive changes within you - and for that you are grateful. That is all you need to say - nothing more. NO long story, no explanations, no trying to fix anything, no trying to fix her or analyze her. Just thank you.
You have no idea what she is thinking or where she is psychologically - remember the third agreement - Don't Make Assumptions!
Blessings, Sheri
