Dear Sheri,
Can you clarify somethings that you said in your last teleseminar? You were saying that if a person cheats on you (has an affair) all you can do is love them and detach from the emotional reaction. So my question is do you reframe your thinking to accept their behavior and continue the relationship with them? I know you mention that you have to deal with the issue instead of spending so much time on the emotional chaos one may feel, but once you deal with the issue and the person continues to does that mean that one is suppose to accept that behavior (lying, cheating, deception) in the relationship and continue to be involved with the person and just show them love and continue to be their husband or wife or girlfriend or boyfriend whether or not they decide to act in integrity?
You were also saying that no one can leave you for another person? and you used the analogy of trading a car in for another one. I guess I was thinking that if the car broke down on me, it was a gas guzzler, it smoked profusely, I would abandon it for another car. Same as I would if a person continued to lie to me, to cheat on me, was misleading me (as my recent ex boyfriend did), I would leave the person in order to find a better match. I would want to stay, but the behavior would be intolerable for what I need in my life so in essence I feel like I would be abandoning him or leaving him to find someone more suitable for me....So my question is if someone is not meeting our needs, then I don't understand why would one not leave them in an effort to find a more suitable partner?
Thanks! Unsure
Dear Unsure,
We have the right to choose the kind of person we want in our life. If my partner has an affair it is because he has certain issues that have nothing to do with me. Even if I was wicked or horrid - that is not an excuse/justification for an affair. If someone is wicked or nasty then you decide if that is what you want. On the other hand that person has the right to live their life as they wish. If they want to have an affair or be nasty - then they have to understand that this may or may not align with another's wishes. So there is no abandonment - simply choice based on what I want in my life. To me abandonment means someone can do something to me - and I am no longer a victim of life. That is a victim word. I believe someone can leave because the situation does not meet what they want - but what does that have to do with me? Nothing!
Blessings, Sheri
