Hey Sheri,
In one of don Miguel Ruiz's books, he mentions that he does not deal with children because they have parents and they will program them the way they want etc. I have two children and I'm curious about how the Toltecs raise their children. Specifically I'm interested in how they discipline, because I've come to feel like the conventional ways are far from love and respect. Even though they are young I don't feel right about demanding things and yelling anymore. This never really worked anyway! How can I honor them and still teach them respect and the Toltec ways?
Thanks, Concerned Mom
Dear Concerned Mom,
Respect is key on both sides. Yelling is rarely appropriate - perhaps only as controlled folly to create some kind of response in a desperate situation. But the idea is to speak to the child and explain why you are feeling the way you are, explaining responsibilities and expectations, and being consistant.
It also helps to know that when kids are young they do not have internal dialogue yet - and so they do not repeat things in their head. To ask them why they did not remember - is almost a useless endeavor.
Older children do start to keep rules and self-talk in their head and your job so to speak is to create the healthiest self-talk that you can for them. Also separating the action from the child is important - like never saying "You are stupid," instead saying "Honey I love you but what you have done is not logical and shows that you were not using critical thinking when you made that choice. All actions have reactions so because of your actions we will have to react in this way - you will not be able to go out tonight with your friends." See what I mean?
Teaching them The Four Agreements and making that a household project is great. Another thing is zero tolerance for drama making the home a no drama zone.
Last of all - love, love and more love. You can never love a child enough and if you can let them know how valued they are that is so important.
Does that help?
Blessings, Sheri
