Dear Sheri,
I have a question about relationships. Should I change for my girlfriend?
To give you some background, I am currently with my girlfriend of 8 months. I am not very social or talkative in parties. I don't mingle with people a lot. I'm not depressed or anything, I function well at my work and extracricular activities. However, she is the opposite, and she expects me to be more social too. Once she brought this up to me and said that I am not fitting in with her friends so when they go out they don't invite me often. She is not happy about this and it looks like she puts more value on her friends' acceptance and approval of me than her direct relationship with me. I can see that we have different personalities and natures. I am content being quiet but she thinks I'm having a bad time. I have told her that is not the case. I am not sure what to do. I am not quiet with her, but sometime we run out of things to say just like anybody else. I also don't like talking all the time and enjoy silence more than words. And I don't want to change myself to seek her approval because I know I am going against my nature. Some people are bubbly some are not. We don't all have to be social butterflies and I am okay with not being one. I know at some level my annoyance with her reaction is due to my own insecurity about not being social and maybe afterall I am not so content or comfortable with myself (because if i was, i would not be annoyed about this situation).
Could you please provide some insight or guidance as to how to deal with this challenge?
Cheers, Confused!
Dear Friend,
I cannot tell you to stay or leave your girlfriend - this is up to you. But there are two things to note in your email.
One is what you say about yourself. You are not who you think you are - you are a limitless being of consciousness not a quiet person. To create a most beautiful dream it is necessary to play this game of life in the best way. As stalkers we know this. So that means we can shape shift as needed in any situation to produce the most beautiful outcomes. If you are locked into being on way because of how you define yourself or because of social fear - that needs to be addressed as you are not free. It is not about being a social butterfly. I too tend to be more quiet but there are times to be talkative. If you are creative with your conversation it can be more meaningful for you.
The other issue is that your girlfriend has expectations about the way she would like her mate to behave. Either she accepts you the way you are right now until you decide to change, or not - or perhaps she is better off with someone else.
Does this make sense?
