Hi Sheri,
English is my second language so maybe there will be some grammar mistakes. I'm 19 years old and Toltec way is way of my heart. I am only one person in my family who is interested in this way. There is problem that there is sometimes not impeccable environment around me. I don't watch TV, because I see nonsense in it and I don't listen to music with harsh language, but my parents and my brother is still watching TV, cursing and using harsh words (it's their program and they don't know it). I don't have opportunity to leave this environment. I am happy until I hear cursing or TV, then I am going mad. I want to respect my parents and brother and don't argue with them about what they are watching in TV, listening to and how they speak to each other, but I don't want to be witness of cursing and harsh language around me. My program is telling me, that my environment is trying to stop me in my impeccability and it use situation around me to make me mad and emotional. What I have to do ? Fight circumstances or surrender and listen to harsh language and cursing around me ? I know, that if I am free I don't react to the circumstances around me.
Another problem is that I am afraid and shy to pray, perform rituals, stalk and read aloud toltec books when there is somebody in the same room with me, because I don't know what they will do. I am afraid that they say that Toltec way is problem and they will try to make me "normal" according to them. So I wait until they are not there around me or I get angry with them because of their presence. I think this is only my program holding me back and trying to misuse this kind of situation against me and others. Now I have not money to leave. They are great parents but I am afraid what they will do, when they find out that I am doing something what they do not support. Toltec way of life is the only thing I really want in life now.
Is there any solution to this situation ? I know that it's funny to do Toltec way and to be afraid that parents will try to stop me in it, but I cannot help it. Is there something I must be aware in my program or I must do?
Thank you, Trying hard at home
Dear Trying hard at home,
Your English is just fine and it is wonderful that you wrote me. There will always be things in life that we cannot change. One of those things is family. We must respect their right to be exactly the way they want to be. It does not matter how we judge them. If we do judge them according to our "enlightened" point of view - are we really being enlightened? No we are not. And in addition we are taking them personally. That of course is not freedom.
If you are still young and living at home - you can teach be being the best person you can be - not by judging your family and making it seem like you are better than them - that is just ego. Enjoy and love your family and when you feel that the conversation is not good for you - leave the room, take a walk, listen to some music or call a friend.
If you cannot detach from judging them and getting upset - you are using new "knowledge" to condemn others with. In other words you are using your spiritual path to hurt them and yourself since you are the one getting angry. The go mind/parasite will do anything to keep in charge. The key is to detach and be happy. If your happiness depends on your external circumstances you will never be at peace and be happy.
One of my first rules of life is:
People do what they are going to do and it isn't always what you want, wish or hope for. If you can come to peace with this piece of advice you will always be happy even if you are in the middle of hell.
Blessings & love, Sheri
