Sheri,
I have studied the Toltec path for a while and the 4 agreements, however there is one situation that still has me reacting. It's my PTSD. Recently the studies of this disorder is that when trauma happens, new pathways of neurological functioning are created in the brain that are often deeper than normal pathways of a normal functioning and feeling person. When a Toltec practitioner is working with not taking things personal, yet the neurological damage has been done, what do you advise? So far, if I am on zoloft which helps PTSD, I can practice not taking anything personally pretty easily, but if I am off the zoloft, it takes a while of it getting out of my system and if a situation happens that re-enacts the original trauma, I start reacting in a way that my rational mind knows better. I can experience the trauma all over again yet see that I'm out of control, but there is no control at that point because the brain is reacting to the threat - not me.
What advise do you have for Toltecs with PTSD or for war veterans who deal with this everyday. It seems without medicine, practicing the Toltec path is very hard. I am no longer on medicine but I'm believing that the only way for me, a person with PTSD with different brain functioning than others (proven) the only way to practice this 'not taking it personal' is to be on zoloft.
Do you know anyone on the Toltec path who has gotten past PTSD? I'm only triggered in one situation but that one situation is my downfall. It sends me down before I realize what is happening, but all other areas of my life seem great. Also, I have Complex PTSD from severe abandonment and constant threats of my survival by my father as a child and then I was raped. The rape was easy to recover from and I am no longer unable to be intimate or be open, but if someone leaves me, the trauma is experienced severely and immediately. Because I only fall for spiritually minded men, most of them talk about being impeccable, but they never are impeccable. The free will to change their mind makes them out of integrity because they use that as an escape clause instead of commitment to their words and intentions.
What advise do you have? Also, if a person is on zoloft and they do the Toltec path easily because they are on medicines, do you consider their 'level' of attainment is real? I know there are levels in your path, the nagual level and all that...but what if the only way a person can function on that level is thru taking a medicine because of the way the brain was damaged during trauma?
I know these are loaded questions. But this is where I am at with it all.
Thanks
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
You have asked a lot of questions and I can only answer your briefly but I will do the best I can.
First of all, everyone has trauma as there are few people that had perfectly lovely upbringings. All events and agreements create neural patterns. All neural patterning can be changed. I do not care what the event was. This is what the new study of neuroplasticity is.
http://psyphz.psych.wisc.edu/web/News/wsj_1-19-07_begley.html The fact that you are triggered is not an excuse - no more than it is for any other human on a spiritual path trying to get over their deeply ingrained habit behaviors.
But if you believe that your trauma was special - that very belief will make it difficult to move beyond where you are. You also have an agreement that you are a victim of those neural patterns and I can assure you that you are not. You can be in control of your reactions right now but you are not choosing to be. I have had the experience of rape, beatings and other traumas in my life, and I have managed to work my way though them and so can you. You are not your brain - you are the entity that is in charge of your mind and your body. And yes, we have worked with plenty of vets that have gotten over their war trauma.
Again - your beliefs are the whole problem angel. For example - you still believe you were abandoned. No one can be abandoned - people can leave your life because they choose to but that has nothing to do with you. In other words people do not leave your life because of YOU. They leave because of them. Once you no longer believe in the human concept of abandonment you will no longer have that issue. Then you will not take anything in the future that looks like abandonment personally - because you will no longer believe in that concept.
Right now you are filtering your current life through your old agreements. That is why you want a commitment from people - something you will never get since you cannot commit to a relationship. All you can commit to is to do your best. How can you possibly be in your integrity and promise to stay with someone forever when you do not know how you will feel about them tomorrow? This is just not possible!
There is nothing at all wrong with staying on your medication until you work through these issues. But ultimately you must work on your beliefs and take responsibility for them. Hope this helps and do keep working on yourself - preferably with a teacher who can reflect to you what is not truth.
Blessings, Sheri
