Hi Sheri,
I would really appreciate any guidance you could offer for a more pressing situation. I have 10 more days of waiting for biopsy results of a sore on the back of my hand. The dermatologist said that it is either basal or early squamous cell. I know that many people deal gracefully with much worse news and I have the capacity to handle this better. I'm consciously thinking positively, using the Law of Attraction, and any thing else that crosses my mind. Despite my attempts to use all the techniques that I have learned over the years, my subconscious is not cooperating. I can't sleep at night and I'm having trouble getting day to day things done. I am trying to take care of business and anticipate and prepare for whatever might happen. Like, in the worst case, I may not be able to write with my right hand for awhile, so I should complete my sabbatical report and other writings immediately. But I can't focus for long. I feel very responsible for this situation. I hit the back of my hand on something about ten years ago and I watched this sore get better and then worse when exposed to sun. This summer the sore got worse and didn't rebound as well. Not taking care of this was a very unloving and foolish way to behave towards myself. I am a nurse and I know better. I feel like an idiot. Yes, I know that calling myself names is just more self abuse. Beyond the guilt, I guess I am anxious and worried, I want to be calm and self loving, but I am not doing such a good job.
I would really appreciate any Toltec or other wisdom you could offer.
Dear Friend,
Why use your memory to abuse yourself? That is more unloving then the sad story you created about what happened to your wound. Anyway it is finished and the past is over. either you live then or live now. You normally allow your mind to run the show - now it is time to stop that. So what if it is skin cancer? You will have it operated on and then it will be fine. Be grateful you found out so that you could treat it. Once you have one "bad" thought - why have that same thought again and again so that you cannot sleep? You heard the thought - so do you need to hear it again? You already know it. It is like being around someone who is repeating themselves over and over again. If someone was doing that you would refuse to listen. But with your own thoughts you listen again and again. Are you that interesting?
I know my mind is not that interesting when it does that!
Love, Sheri
